Adoption-Speak

"You who are strong and swift, see that you do not limp before the lame, deeming

it kindness"

Kahlil Gibran,

The Prophet

The language of adoption is crafted of bias and misinformation. So powerful are

the messages in adoption terminology that they dramatically mold public opinion

and "reaction" to adoption issues and serve to enforce a systematic oppression of

adoptees and their natural family's. But, unlike an adoptee whose identity and

rights are crossed out with a sweep of a pen, we need not wonder how

"adoption-speak" came to be. Adoption terminology was created (in some cases

designed) by the benefactors of the "family apartheid" system to single-mindedly

advance the interests of agencies and adoptive parents and deny basic rights and

respect to other groups. If we are ever to confront the inhumanities of this

institution we must learn to avoid these misleading terms which present constant

a campaign for the perverted acts and abuses of closed-records and family

Apartheid.

Below are terms which are fundamentally misleading, contradictory or

Inappropriate.

Half-Truth: "Adoption"

The term "Adoption" represents only the "receiving parents" and does not portray

Relinquishment, termination or familial isolation of the other two parties

Involved. To call the termination of a human being's right to know their family

Alternatively, history an "Adoption" is gross misuse of language and alternative terms are

Necessary if we are to avoid referring to injustices as acts of benevolence. It

Is suggested that "Terminal Adoption" properly reflects the loss, gain and legal

Requirements of "unrelated" or "closed" "adoption" as it exists today. Other

Distinctions such as "relinquishment", "termination", "termination decree" or

"Bastard" must be used where possible if we ever hope to avoid verbal acceptance

The vast abuses in terminal adoption.

Half-truth: "Adoptee"

This term seems to connote only of the cloth of gratitude forced on "adoptees"

Who are not simply "adopted" but "exiled" from their natural families by the

Family apartheid system. The term "Adoptee" says nothing of the rights, history,

Kinship and freedoms taken from such individuals. "Adoptees" are more accurately

"Exilegitimates" or "Relinquishes" who are deligitimated by the state under the

Acts and biases of others. They are "Marked" by the state with a special

Inequality when seeking their birth information --a most basic right others take

For granted. The term "Adoptee" is a half-truth and, like most other adoption

Terms, subliminally guides' opinion away from adoptee rights. The use of proper

A term describing the status of "Relinquishes" does not imply that they are in

Any way "bad". Instead, it serves to remind others that "Exlegitimates" have

Been wronged by the law.

Diminutive: "Birth-Mother" (or Birthmother)

Mothers deserve more respect than to be called "birth-things". To associate

Mothers only with the instant of "birth" when their child becomes potentially

Free for adoption is a monumental indignity. The "Birth-Person" is, in feminist

Parlance, reduced to a vessel or object for the momentary utility of giving

"Birth". The term rudely discusses the genital function of mothers "birthing"

In addition, is tantamount to calling a male parent an "Ejaculatory-Father". Such

Language is inherently derisive and intended to distract the listener into

Contemplating a single moment of birth rather than the life long humanity of

Relatedness. To discuss parents in this way amounts to no more than a smear

Tactic casting social stigma and reinforcing the present system of abuses of

Adoptees and natural families. "Birth-" qualifications effectively hyphenate

"Normal family relatedness" to "unusual" or "secondary" status and serve to

Relegate family relatedness to ancillary "birth-trivia". The obvious and proper

Term (if one must qualify at all) is "Natural-Mother". "Nature" is the

Foundation of kinship and evokes a proper context of relatedness which does not

Objectify human beings or dismiss kinship to a disconnected instant of birth.

A few adoptive parents have argued that "Natural-" is so much nicer than

"Adoptive-" that use of this term is an insult to them or that it implies

Adoptive relationships are "Un-natural-". Yet, who would argue that calling one

Person healthy would imply everyone else is unhealthy? Such reaction would be

Petty to say the least. Ultimately the term "Natural", in this context, does not

Refer to adoptive relationships at all. One might even argue that the term

"Adoptive" implies "Un-adoptive" parents do not care about the their children.

This is well known to be false in nearly all cases.

The adoption industry wants to stop time for natural parents The term

"Birth-Parent" leaves them forever at moment of birth in our minds, frozen in

Time at a moment of weakness and sorrow. The term "Natural Parent" has no

Time machine like quality. Natural parents can continue life beyond the moment

Of birth. Natural Parents can be human beings when others would prefer them to be

Non-existent.

Nonsequitur: "Birth"-father ('ouch'.. Poor Dad giving birth)

By far the silliest of all, this term demonstrates the lengths to which people

Will go to denigrate and qualify natural heredity (and men in general). In

Addition to relegating fathers to temporary and functional status as "birth-"

People, this term seeks to shame fathers by placing them in a

Gender-inappropriate contexts as if they were giving birth themselves. The term's

Subtle "awkwardness" evokes common sexist stereotypes of men as awkward care

Givers, denigrates their role in child rearing and implies such a role is

Inappropriate. The term "Natural-Father" properly conveys the aspirations and

Importance of fathers in there children's lives.

Deceptive: "Adoption Plan"

This term, like most others here, has been strongly promoted by the NCFA (an

Anti-adoptee organization) in their manual "The Adoption Fact Book" as a

Manipulation technique for lulling parents into adoption by calling an "Act" a

"Plan", calling a "relinquishment" an "adoption" and by framing adoption (the

Profitable option) in this informative and biased terms. The "Plan" is used as a

Dissociated "substitute concept" for the reality of "Relinquishment" and

"Termination". The NCFA volume instructs councilors to avoid use of this proper

Legal terms to obscure the true events in adoption and make them sound more

Pleasant too natural mothers. The NCFA suggests that misinforming the mostly

Young female parent in this way makes it easier to get them to part with there

Children. (All "father's" rights are discouraged or ignored) Other terms are

Also suggested to be used where possible. These include: "Loving Option", "Best

Possible Thing", "Choosing A Family" which cast the implanted dissociated

Suggestion as "positive".

Redundant: "Best"-Interests

"Best interests" falsely implies that there are "worst-interests". This term

Refers by omission to some adoptee interests as "bad". These are interests

Others would seek to violate. Such terms, forged in bias or self-interest, are

Subconsciously very influential, as evidenced by the prevalent denial of adoptee

Rights to know their origins being so widely dismissed in state law.

"Best"-Interests laws are used to selectively limit which rights relinquishes

May have (in court) by instructing judges to favor any interests in the sale or

Exchange of children and discount vital interests of kinship, heredity, familial

Association, personal truth and freedom from wrongful sequestration,

Administrative kidnapping, termination of rights etc..

It was once thought in women's "best-interest" that they not have the right to

Vote.

Presumptive: "AS-IF"

An originally well meaning gesture, "As-If" is the wording in many state laws

Stating that the bastard-adoptee will be "As-If" the natural child of the

Adopting parents. This phrase originally bestowed family status to the joined

Persons but eventually became perverted as a legal basis for denying all

Familial rights to adoptees and their natural families. This phrase splays

Across the nation's law books "As-If" it were no violence against human nature to

Evoke such presumption. "As-If" proclaims state fictions as personal reality

Abridging the kinship, history, and freedoms, that virtually all people hold as

Fundamental in their lives and identity. "As-If" serves as a rationalization for

The family apartheid system of terminal-adoption by denying family ties and

Preventing sound family law from entering into adoption proceedings. The term is

Used to create a living genocide for millions of Americans.

Argumentative: "Nature Vs Nurture"

While not specifically an adoption phrase, "Nature Vs Nurture" strangely implies

These two processes are in conflict. Yet, the "Nature" (of genes) is what makes

The "Nurturance" (of development) possible.

Nature makes us who and what we can be.

Nurturing assists us in reaching what we can be.

But in terminal adoption these terms take on greater significance reflecting a

Fear of natural familial ties and abuse of familial rights. The obvious

Importance of relatedness is demonstrated by intense denial of familial ties in

Terminal adoption. Yet, so ingrained is the denial that conflict is projected on

Our little friends "Nature" and "Nurture" which are, in fact, "partners" and not

"Competitors". The open adoption movement has begun in varying degrees to

Recognize this as more data becomes available and accepted showing the

Importance of ties most of us take for granted.

Inflammatory: "Blood"(pun intended)

(Good blood, bad blood, blood relatives.)

These are 'relics' (more pun intended) of a by gone era when it was only

Speculated that the vital essence of "relatedness" was contained in the "humors"

Or fluids of the body. We understand this a little better now. When we speak of

"Blood" today in adoption we refer to genetics.

From opposable thumbs to a propensity to laugh, the overwhelming roll genetics

A play in human development, personality, and spirituality is indisputable.

Through the study of separately adopted genetically identical twins, it is

Widely understood that being human provides some common attributes but that

Genetics prescribe virtually all-physical traits and 50% of the testable

Psychological variables of who we are. (Performances on IQ tests, curiously,

Maintains a 70% influence from genes) the smaller remaining percentage --

Variations in testable attributes -- are considered environmental, of which a

Subset is "Nurture" related.

Simply put: "Man has little contest against the power of nature".

"Bewilderment":

The term "bewilderment" was introduced to help convey the sense of identity and

Kinship disconnectedness common to life under family apartheid. However

"Bewilderment" has a somewhat condescending negative connotation implying that

"Adoptees" rather than their "environments" are lacking. It is suggested that

"Familial-loss" or "familial-isolation" is preferable, and more descriptive

Terms. Familial-loss and the psychological effects of familial-isolation can and

Are being studied. "Bewilderment" on the other hand, is essentially a dead end

Concept which begs no more questions and suggests no direction other than to

Council adoptees to stop feeling "bewildered".

Distinctions: Searching / Seeking

An interesting distinction is that of Searching and Seeking. Adoptees use the

Word "Search" referring to looking for family lost in terminal- adoption. Yet

Adoption agencies have begun to muddy the waters by asserting the term "search"

To describe "seeking" a child to parent. This becomes awkward in on-line forums

Where people perusing very different goals use the same subject lines saying

"SEARCHING". While it is a small distinction, "searching" and "Seeking" are

Different.

Consider this from o'l Webster's seventh collegiate edition.

Seek

(a) To resort to or go to

(b) To try to discover

(c) To *ask* for

(d) To try to *acquire or gain*

(e) To make an attempt

When one "seeks" an adoption they "ask for" a child and try to "acquire or gain"

A parental role. But for adoptees:

Search

(a) To examine in seeking something

(b) To look through or explore by inspecting possible places

*Of Concealment* or investigating *suspicious circumstances*

(c) To read / examine a *public register* about

(d) To examine articles concealed 'on *a* person'

(e) To look at as if to *discover or penetrate intention or nature*

(f) *To uncover* by inquiry or scrutiny

Adoptees really do search "places of concealment" in "suspicious circumstances"

Looking for articles "on a person". Adoptees are not just "seeking" they are

"Searching" and "trying to uncover" the already present truth. It seems somewhat

Rude to adoptees to insinuate that "seeking" some potential child is the same

Thing as "searching" for one's real and factual living relatives. Not that

Adopters and adoptees are entirely different. (After all infertility and closed

Adoption both involve deprivation of relatedness) but infertility is not imposed

By the state as sequestration is for adoptees.

Perhaps thinking about the difference between "Search" and "Seek" will provide

Greater understanding and respect both adoptees and couples who wish to adopt.

Other Adoption Words: TRUMANIZE: (from The Movie The Tumeman Show)

1) A fictional child adopted by a corporation (not an adoption agency) has his

Life used for entertainment, Truman is denied the "truth" about his identity

In addition, the plot thus, "truemanizeing" him. 2) To take away someone's self knowledge

For another's personal gain or pleasure. 3) To distort and or control another's

Life experience through lies or manipulation. The corporation's leader argued

That they gave the unwanted Truman a "better life than he could have had in the

'Real world'" but constructing a false world just for him (which was presumably

Ok because he was not told about it). Yet Tremens' drive to know the truth

Exceeded all others. The Truman show is perhaps accidentally one of the most

Important adoption films ever made.

Adoption Acronyms